The Twirly Terror
Image credit: Official gallery of the Corn & Apple Festival
I started with the twirly one. You know. The one that goes upside-down. After I'd eaten.
Yep, I can hear you all groaning.
To be fair, I thought I'd digested. And it didn't look that high. Or that twirly.
Boy, were we wrong. Even my partner—a solid, unperturbed, war-tested Ukrainian newcomer—agreed: "That was scary."
As I wobbled off trying not to vomit, I reminded myself that there's a reason I'm not "amusement park material." After a childhood spent begrudgingly accompanying my little sister on the (very real) terrors of Canada's Wonderland (a huge amusement park located in a Toronto suburb), I suspected that my motion sickness–meter was irreparably broken. For reference, Wonderland's tallest roller coaster, the Leviathan, is 306 feet (93.27 metres) tall. Technically, Morden's twirly terror pales in comparison, given that it was driven in and assembled on the spot, but my nausea technically decided to ignore that fact.
The Parade
Image credit: Ukrainian contingent photographed by Gail Horobec
To be honest, I was a sound Toronto skeptic about how spectacular the Corn & Apple Festival could be, given its "qaintness" and its length (simply Morden's main artery—Stephen Street—from end to end).
Well, colour me impressed.
There was a parade, which did feature:
An appearance by the Freemasons (really??)
John Deere somethings (mini... utility... carts??) driven by the Super Mario crew
Tractors driven by... what appeared to be... children (??)
A festive Ukrainian contingent playing a lively, folksy violin
A Chinese contingent, complete with dragon
A well-decorated and super festive Filipino float
Various ancient vehicles, including a fire... wagon
Not insubstantial bags of potatoes (Toronto can learn something here) were distributed by "Manitoba’s largest grower of organic potatoes," Kroeker Farms. Thankfully, these bags were not lobbed at bystanders, as were the copious amounts of lollipops.
Maybe we can step it up a little next year? I literally saw one Werther's candy, and everything paled in comparison to the potatoes.
Essentially, nearly every local business was represented, and a few, even, from neighbouring Winkler (Kroeker) and Altona (advertising its own long-running Sunflower Festival).
The Vendors
Corn & Apple, as it's affectionately called by the locals, hosts an impressive number of vendors each year, and this year was no exception:
Honey (I counted no fewer than three booths)
Jewellery (tons)
Leatherwork
Handmade soaps
Something called "Black Bear Remedies", which uses "the fat of the American Black bear" (err, no thank you)
Corn, corn, and corn (both free and not free; although, for the free variety, you were required to commit to an hour-long line-up in the brutal Manitoba sun)
Click here for a full list.
The Food
Importantly, there were food trucks, and even ethnic food was featured (I counted Thai, Filipino, German, Mexican, Italian, and, possibly, Middle Eastern—if that's how we're labelling donair).
Mordenites, if you noticed a young, dark-haired, 5-foot baby face staring inquisitively into your take-out containers as if she's never seen or eaten food in her life, c'est moi. Please offer me a french fry next time.
Although the quality didn't seem comparable to a Toronto food truck (sorry, we're famous for this, after all), I'll let it go because we only tried a church-fundraiser burger (meh...) and a schnitzel sandwich (eh...). To be fair, the Filipino rice and noodle bowls looked awesome, as did the brisket sandwiches, and anything from Indigenous Kitchen. There was a lot we simply didn't have time or lack-of-nausea for.
Comments were made about the huge number of mini-doughnut vendors (a whopping eight in total). I'll add my voice to that. Why?! We could've balanced it out with churros (just one vendor) or cake (also one) or ice cream (perhaps there were... two?).
The Rides
Less importantly for this still-wobbly Torontonian, but perhaps more importantly for Mordenites and surrounding locals, there were rides. Given that there are no amusement parks in the vicinity at all except, perhaps, Tinkertown Fun Park (nearly two hours away), I understand why this is huge. Especially for children. Correction: especially for children and my partner because, even after the twirly terror, he was ready for the next-most-terrifying: the swinging ship.
I considered it carefully, childhood-trauma in mind (noting that this ship was eerily similar to Wonderland's Viking's Rage), and felt reasonably certain that my food wouldn't come up this time. After all, a few hours of digestion had passed. Right?
I think we all know what's coming.
After a nearly 90-degree flip, during which I was certain I'd fly out of my seat, my violent death putting an end to this whole festival, we decided to try something much less terrifying. Like the ferris wheel. Like the innocent, no-tricks ferris wheel, right?
Well, it shook a tiny bit and I nearly brought up the schnitzel.
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